He survived an abusive childhood. Now his NGO trains teachers and parents to treat children with compassion
- Raymond Yang co-founded NGO Just Feel to train schools and families in compassionate communication. He recounts how his violent upbringing inspired him
My father moved to Hong Kong from Fujian [in southeast China] in 1976 at the end of the Cultural Revolution, when he was 18. He worked super hard, as a street cleaner, a chef and later as a photocopier technician.
They immediately got on, they were both frugal and wanted to start a family. Hong Kong’s economy was booming and their work was stable, I think it was a good time for them. I have two sisters – one born in 1990 and one in 1993. I was born in 1994.
A turn for the worse
My parents were very frugal and we never went out for meals, on holiday or had new clothes or toys. When I was young, I was happy. Although our life was simple, I had a lot of my needs fulfilled – care, love, a sense of belonging and safety.
When I was in kindergarten, my parents bought a rooftop house in a walk-up building in North Point. The trouble started when my father decided to buy a nicer flat in Sai Wan Ho in 2002. It was expensive and (following the 2003 property crisis) his financial stress went up a lot and he became emotionally unstable.
I didn’t know why we lived together if we hated each other so much
He shouted at us kids and my mum and beat us. I became afraid and gradually lost the ability to express my feelings. My mum told me not to irritate my father. If I cried, I’d be beaten more, so I kept my mouth shut. The sister closest to me in age cried and shouted and cursed because of how my dad was acting.
My parents could argue over anything, whether someone was eating too fast or walking too slowly. My father’s siblings were all new immigrants from Fujian. They were quite poor, had low self-esteem and fought a lot. I never understood why we had to meet all the relatives at Chinese New Year when everyone just argued.